A single message can make your heart beat faster. Especially when it arrives in the middle of the working day and hints at what awaits you in the evening. This is the power of sexting, one of the easiest and most accessible ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Here is what sexting is, how to start, sample messages and the safety rules everyone should know. We also cover the safety rules everyone should know.

What's sexting?

Sexting means sending messages with erotic content. The word combines sex and texting. Sexting can be text only, but it can also include photos, voice messages or video. It can be light and playful or openly arousing, depending on how comfortable both of you are.

Why is sexting good for a relationship?

  • It keeps desire alive during the day. Foreplay begins long before the bedroom.
  • It helps you express desires. Many people find it easier to write about their fantasies than to say them out loud.
  • It brings long-distance couples closer. If you're apart, sexting is a bridge between you. See also our ideas for sex toys for long-distance relationships.
  • It brings variety. It's a game that can be different every time.

How to start if you have never tried it

The first message is the hardest. You don't have to start with something explicit. Begin with a hint and see how your partner reacts.

Step 1: Flirt. Start with a compliment or a memory. This sets the mood and checks whether your partner is in the mood to play.

Step 2: Hint. Add something that gets the imagination going. Don't say everything, leave room for daydreaming.

Step 3: Turn up the heat. If your partner responds with enthusiasm, you can become more specific. Describe what you want to do, what you want done to you, what you are wearing or what you are thinking.

Sexting message examples

Sweet and romantic:

  • I can still smell you on the pillow.
  • I can't stop thinking about the way you kissed me this morning.
  • I am counting the hours until I see you.
  • Tonight I want you all to myself.

Playful:

  • Guess what underwear I am wearing today.
  • I have a surprise for you, but you'll only see it tonight.
  • If you were here now, we wouldn't make it to the bedroom.
  • I want to show you something, but only if you're alone.

Hotter:

  • I keep thinking about what we did last time and it's getting hot in here.
  • Tonight I want you to be in charge.
  • Tell me exactly what you will do to me when you get home.
  • I am lying in bed and I miss your hands.

For sharing fantasies:

  • I have a fantasy I have never told you about. Do you want to hear it?
  • What would you like us to try that we have never done?
  • If you could pick one place outside the bedroom, which would it be?

Sexting game ideas

Truth or dare. The classic game in an erotic version. Ask each other questions about desires and memories or give each other small tasks.

Story in parts. Start an erotic story with one sentence. Your partner continues with the next. Together you create a fantasy that you can later act out.

Countdown. During the day send one message every hour describing what will happen in the evening, step by step.

Remote control. If you use a vibrator with remote or app control, sexting becomes even more interactive. Your partner writes and controls the vibrations at the same time.

Photos: safety rules

Sending intimate photos is part of sexting for many people, but it carries risks. Here are a few rules:

  • Only with someone you trust.
  • No face and no identifying marks, such as tattoos or distinctive furniture.
  • Use encrypted apps with a disappearing messages feature.
  • Don't send photos that were not asked for. An unsolicited intimate photo is disrespect, not flirting.
  • Never share another person's photos without their explicit consent, even after a break-up.
  • Adults only. This is an absolute rule with no exceptions.

Sexting etiquette

  • Make sure your partner is somewhere they can read in peace.
  • If you get no reply, don't push.
  • If your partner says they aren't comfortable, stop.
  • Be yourself. You don't have to write like an erotic novel.
  • Don't be afraid of humour. Laughter is arousing too.

A phone, imagination and trust

If you don't know where to start, send one sentence this afternoon: thinking about you, and not entirely innocently. The rest will follow. Just remember the rules about photos.