Becoming a parent is one of life's most rewarding experiences, but it also comes with challenges—especially when it comes to keeping the spark alive in your relationship. According to Motherly's 2024 State of Motherhood Survey, 62% of moms want to have more sex after having kids, but 53% admit they struggle to find the time. For many, the hustle and bustle of parenthood can make intimacy feel like a distant dream.

 

Still, maintaining a healthy sex life after having children is crucial for both your relationship and your personal well-being. Here are three practical, creative strategies to help you and your partner rekindle intimacy and make it a priority—even amidst the chaos of parenthood.

Why Sex After Having Kids Gets More ComplicatedFamily at home wearing white tops holding up baby wearing diaper.

Before kids, finding time for intimacy may have felt easy and natural. But after kids, the demands of parenting, household responsibilities, and sheer exhaustion of everyday life can make it difficult to prioritize sex. With endless tasks and the constant need to “be active,” it’s no wonder many parents find themselves pushing sex to the bottom of the list.

However, sex is more than just a physical act—it strengthens emotional bonds, reduces stress, and strengthens the partnership between you and your partner. By recognizing its importance, you can take steps to prioritize intimacy, even during the busiest seasons of parenting.

3 Strategies for Fitting Sex In When You're a Parent

1. Have Sex Earlier in the Night

Waiting until bedtime to be intimate may seem like a logical choice, but by then, exhaustion often takes over. Instead, consider having sex right after the kids are in bed. This way, you're less likely to feel exhausted and more likely to enjoy the moment without worrying about sacrificing your sleep.

If you and your partner agree on a specific time for intimacy (e.g., "before 10 p.m."), it eliminates the need for last-minute decisions and ensures that you both have the energy to connect. Think of it as reclaiming the evening for yourself, even if it's just for 30 minutes.

2. Schedule Intimacy Days

While it may sound unromantic, scheduling sex is a surprisingly effective way to make sure it happens. If you already schedule everything else in your life, why not include intimacy on your calendar? Scheduled sex doesn't mean it's any less enjoyable—in fact, it can build anticipation.

Some couples even create fun code words for their intimate plans, like "pillow time" or "project hot sauce," to keep things light. Whether you choose specific days like Wednesday to "honor intimacy day" or another regular schedule, having it on your calendar makes it a shared priority.

3. Take advantage of work-from-home opportunities

For couples who work from home, intimacy during the day can be a game-changer. Use lunch breaks or quiet times when the kids are out of the house to reconnect. A quick 15-minute date during the day can feel spontaneous and exciting—giving you a boost of energy and breaking up the monotony of work.

These moments don't have to be long or complicated. Sometimes a short, meaningful connection is all that's needed to keep the spark alive.

Managing Expectations and Challenges

It's important to remember that your sex life will go through phases, and that's okay. There will be seasons where intimacy feels effortless, and others where it feels like an uphill battle. Be patient with yourself and your partner and focus on maintaining open communication about your needs and desires.

Give yourself grace

If sex feels impossible right now, don't stress. Parenting is hard work, and it's okay to have periods where intimacy takes a backseat. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open and remind yourself that this phase won't last forever.

Celebrate small victories

Whether it's a long kiss, a long hug, or a shared laugh, small acts of affection go a long way toward maintaining intimacy. These moments build the foundation for deeper relationship when time allows more.

Final Thoughts

Your sex life after kids may look different, but it doesn't have to disappear. By being intentional, creative, and patient, you can keep intimacy alive and thriving. After all, a strong, loving partnership benefits not only you and your partner, but your children as well. Happy parents make for a happy home.

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